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Post Info TOPIC: What was Jesus???
so what was he??

Date:
What was Jesus???


What was Jesus?
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There are 3 good arguments Jesus was black.
1 He called everyone 'Brother"
2 He liked gospel.
3 He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there are 3 equally good arguments he was jewish
1 He went into his fathers business.
2 He lived at home until he was 33.
3 He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there are 3 equally good arguments he was Italian.
1 He talked with his hands.
2 He had wine with every meal.
3 He used Olive Oil.

But then there are 3 equally good arguments that he was a Californian.
1 He never cut his hair.
2 He walked around baerfoot all the time.
3 He started a new religion.

But then there are 3 equally good arguments he was Irish.
1 He never got married.
2 He was always telling stories.
3 He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all, 3 proofs that Jesus was a women.
1 She fed a crowd at a momenst notice when there was no food.
2 She kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3 And even when she was dead, she had to get up because there was more work to do!

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and the anawer is.......

Date:

Jesus vs. Elvis

 

The similarities between Jesus Christ and Elvis Presley are almost uncanny. Just check the following parallels for yourself!

  • Jesus said "Love thy neighbor." Elvis said "Don't be cruel."
  • Jesus is the Lord's shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
  • Jesus was part of the Trinity. Elvis' first band was a trio.
  • Jesus walked on water. Elvis surfed (Blue Hawaii, 1965).
  • Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
  • Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had the famous 1968 "Comeback" TV special and many posthumous mall sightings.
  • Jesus said "If a man thirst, let him come to me, and drink." (John 7:37). Elvis said "Drinks on me" (Jail House Rock, 1957).
  • Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights. Elvis also had irregular eating habits (eg, 5 banana split breakfast).
  • Jesus is a Capricorn (Dec 25). Elvis is a Capricorn (Jan8).
  • Matthew was a biographer of Jesus. Neil Matthews was a biographer of Elvis (A Golden Tribute).
  • "Jesus countenance...like lightning...raiment snow white." (Matthew 28:3) Elvis wore snow white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
  • Jesus lived in a state of grace in a near-eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.
  • Jesus' mother Mary had an immaculate conception. Elvis' wife Priscilla went to Immaculate Conception H.S.
  • People called Jesus a "...glutton and a drunk." (Luke 7:34) People called Elvis "...an overweight druggie...".
  • Jesus died for us. Young girls would 'die for' Elvis.
  • Jesus was born in humble surroundings. Elvis was born in Mississippi.
  • Even today Jesus has a cult following. Even today Elvis has a cult following.
  • Jesus was called "King of Israel.." (John 12:13) Elvis was called "King of Rock n' Roll".

Was Elvis the 20th-century re-incarnation of Jesus? Hey, decide for yourself.....



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Why?

Date:

...and you had those burning questions at 3AM????

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He Is

Date:

Hi Is -


A Jewish Carpenter who need not apply for a Job at Christ Church.


A Poor man who would not be able to afford the tithing cost required to belong to Christ Church.


A Person who was interested in the well being of other rather than the other way around; just the exact opposite of Ireland.



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To Why?

Date:

  Imaginary monsters don't sleep.

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Got Jesus?

Date:


quote:





Originally posted by: He Is
"Hi Is - A Jewish Carpenter who need not apply for a Job at Christ Church.


Jesus is the CEO of CC.


 


 A Poor man who would not be able to afford the tithing cost required to belong to Christ Church.


As the CEO, he decides what will happen with the money given to Him.


 


A Person who was interested in the well being of other rather than the other way around; just the exact opposite of Ireland.


CC helps thousands of people each year in innumerable ways.  Just ask them yourself.


 


If you don't "Got Jesus", don't bother telling     us anything about Him.  He knows you not.


And if you don't "Got Jesus" you may want to try and prove to yourself that every word of His in the Bible isn't true, because if they are, you may have some serious decisions to make.


 


"






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The monster under the bed

Date:

 Cut the poopy skippy,Rupert A. Hayles, Jr. is the Chief Operating Officer of Christ Church. If he is also Jesus, We better alert the media.

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Got Jesus

Date:

quote:

Originally posted by: The monster under the bed

" Cut the poopy skippy,Rupert A. Hayles, Jr. is the Chief Operating Officer of Christ Church. If he is also Jesus, We better alert the media."


Hey Skippy Poopy (aka tmutb),


I bet RAH has "got Jesus".  Do you?



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karen

Date:

lol mornin', monster!

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The monster under the bed

Date:

What Mr Hayles has is a check book, anything else he has is not germane. I have never spoken to the man. But if you think He is jesus, thats ok by me. You know come to think of it I find myself saying," Jesus cut me a check so I can finish this job" so maybe in some strange way your right after all.       Nahh.

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Helpmate

Date:

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach
with Jesus.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene,
he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand.
One belonged to him, and the other to Jesus.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed
that many times along the path of his life,
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened
at the very lowest
and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him
and he questioned Jesus about it.:

oooO
( )
(
_)
"Jesus, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during
the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you the most
you would leave me."

oooO
( )
(
_)
Jesus replied,
"My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then I carried you."

~Author Unknown~



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The monster under the bed

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 That's sweet, thank you Helpful.


 Hey, do you remember the one with the guy stuck on top of his house in a great flood? He refuses all attempts at rescue, saying no, God will save me! Fire dept sends a ladder and rope,God will save me! A rowboat is sent , same story. National guard sends its helicopter, He stays on the roof. Swept away finally in the turbulent water he drowns.


   Know where I am going with this?



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Craig Maier

Date:

Monster under the bed,


That sounds like one the lessons that was drilled into me as a Kid.


G-d helps those who help themselves.


Amen



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The monster under the bed

Date:

    Pretty close my man. But the punch line goes like this....


 


   Our drowned zealot reaches the proverbial pearly gates,and screams."God why have you forsaken me?"


 God replys, hey moron! I sent you a rope, a ladder, a boat, and a freakin helicopter! Peter send him downstairs he's too stupid to get in to Heaven 



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